Its been a while since I’ve written about my weight-loss journey.  I have to admit that I’ve kind of lost focus.  I’ve felt a lot of turmoil about what I’ve been doing lately.  I was doing so well and then I didn’t feel well (just feeling dizzy a lot) and I took a step back to reexamine whether what I was doing was right for me and (now that I’m sitting here writing this, I’m realizing what I’m about to say) man did people jump up to say all the horrible things I might be doing and, in thinking about it now, I’m pretty sure they were there before, but I was in such a good space that I didn’t hear them.  In the state I was in though, I started to listen and I fell off the wagon.

It’s so interesting how we let ourselves be influenced by those around us so I am going to take this opportunity to “talk” it out here in my blog because I feel like there’s going to be at least one person out there who can relate.  Here’s what happened…

I am a VERY “all things are black and white/all or nothing” type person.  There is very little grey area, especially when I feel like I might be letting someone down.  Most of the time this “letting someone down” thing is totally in my head.  But, that’s how I function so that’s what I have to work with.  Because of this, I started to feel like I was letting Lindora down.  I mean, here you have this amazing company who believes in me so much and I’m screwing up their program!!  What happened was that I, with my “all or nothing” attitude cheated and became obsessed with getting back on the program but wasn’t all-in, mentally.  So, I kept cheating and I wasn’t eating right and I started to feel really dizzy.  Looking back, OF COURSE I felt dizzy!  I was totally off program and eating like crap!  While this was happening, I started to spiral into all these excuses.  I gave up essentially and have gained back a bunch of the weight I lost.

Then, I started to meet people who wanted to be helpful, but started to say that the Lindora program wasn’t good and that I should do this or that.  It’s fascinating what happens when you say you’re on a low carb plan.  I started to do my own research and I talked to a couple of doctors and have been educated and as I sit here examining, here are the facts:

• Lindora is a low-FAT/low carb/MODERATE protein diet.  It turns out that there is less protein in this plan than a lot of other programs and I get to eat carbs, they just come from fruits and veggies so that’s a plus.
• I feel AMAZING when I’m eating the way the plan “guides” I say guides because I am learning to not be so extreme.
• It works for me.  I think this is the most important part of the equation.  It just fricking works for me.  It’s important that we all find things that work for us and this one works for me so why am I sabotaging and listening to all these people who don’t know me or what my past weight issues are or don’t understand the program?
• Lindora is super supportive.  They have been nothing but my cheerleaders from the start.  Why would I throw that all away?
• Frankly, the way I was eating before is WAY WORSE than anything I could eat on this plan.  Seriously.
• I can modify the plan.  Lindora is more flexible than I thought.  I have met with a doctor and we have modified my plan.  I think it’s going to be fantastic.  The doctor was so funny.  He told me “it’s not all black and white, there’s a lot of grey”.  It’s like he knew me.  lol.  And my Lindora representative has been super supportive.  He literally told me to just calm down.  They want me to succeed so badly.  How come I don’t?

So, those are the facts.  Looks pretty positive that I’m self-sabotaging, doesn’t it?  I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, I just know that for today, I’m back on the program with the little tweaks that have been approved and I’m moving forward.  I am going to stop putting the ridiculous and unnecessary pressure on myself and work on seeing the grey a little more.  It’s going to be interesting and I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to share.  I’d love to hear from you if you’ve had similar experiences.

Filed under: A Scrapbook Life, Scrapbook the Weight Off by Jenna Edwards

Ouch!

That’s what I’ve been saying every time I move the past 24 hours.  I have added a trainer to the mix (I feel so “Hollywood” right now.  lol)  and boy did she kick my butt.  I was surprised though.  I have had a slew of physical injuries, the worst being my lower back.  Before I started on the Lindora program, my back was going out about once a month.  So, when I got back from my first workout with my new trainer, Rachele (website to follow as she is rebuilding her site) and my back was a little sore, I was worried.  But, I woke up the next day sore, but with my back perfectly in tact.  In fact, my back hurts very little compared to my stomach, chest and arms.  All areas I want to work out so I am a happy camper.

Now that I have added a more intense workout regimen to the mix, I am going to have to take a closer look and probably adjust my diet a bit.  I think I’m up for the challenge but am a bit nervous about it.  I am working on doing better with change and such but all-in-all, I do not deal well with change and need time to adjust.

We’ll see how it goes.  I just want to get rid of this extra weight and get some lean muscle going on this body of mine.  I believe Rachele is up for the challenge and so am I.

Here’s a picture of me after she kicked my butt.  It was a very low impact, slow paced workout and I was sweating.  Lol

PS

This picture makes me laugh, which makes it hurt more!  OUCH!

Filed under: Scrapbook the Weight Off by Jenna Edwards

Just like working out, sometimes I don’t want to write.  I figure I have to get in the habit of doing it anyway for both of those things.  So, today’s blog may be very short, it might be very long.  It’s like when you’re working out, if you can just get yourself to go to the gym, you might spend 10 minutes or you might end up spending an hour.  You never know so you just have to do it as inspiration might strike you.

For me, this week has been a series of starting over.  If feels like almost everyday I’m starting over.  But, the difference in me today from me 5 months ago is that my starting over takes less time.  I’m able to recognize when I’m sabotaging a lot faster than I used to.  So, starting over is almost like just being on the program.  Pretty soon, I won’t have to start over at all because I will just be doing it.

I just read this quote the other day and I think it applies:

“Do the thing you think you can not do.  Fail at it.  Try again.  Do better the second time.” – Oprah

For me, it’s do better the second, third, fourth, fifth…time.  But, I am committed to succeeding at this.  This weight will go away.  I will look fantastic on my wedding day and I will feel better in my daily life.

This is me…trying again.

Filed under: Scrapbook the Weight Off by Jenna Edwards

I suck at this…no, I really do.  What do I suck at?  Dieting and asking for help…so…dieting then because you need lots of help and support when you’re making a change this big.  Yup, not good.

What do I mean by that?  Well, this week I realized that I was reverting back to my old way of doing things.  I am: all or nothing, defiant and a creature of habit.  These are all things that can totally mess up a diet.  The one thing I’ve got going for me is that I am able to identify these behaviors and put the gabosh on them ASAP.  What I’m realizing is that I am going to have to constantly be putting the gabosh on things throughout this entire process.  My phrase (thanks for my friend Hollie) is now “correct and continue”.

This week has been a constant correct and continue week for me.  After realizing that I wasn’t following the plan the way I should be and that I was reverting back to my old ways of doing things last week (I’m a creature of habit after all) and in talking with the counselors and Lindora to create a new plan for me, it was still a struggle mentally for me to stick with it.  What I’ve realized in the last week is:

1. It is not about being “all or nothing” on this program.  The program is amazing if I follow it, but my defiant tendencies and the fact that I am “all or nothing” needs to be recognized and I really do need to make sure that I am learning to make better choices.  This is not a quick-fix program even though it works really quickly.  The fact that the weight was melting off made me lose sight of that fact and I need to “correct and continue” on my path to being “Lean for Life”.
2. I need to remember to ask for help when I need it.  This is the most important lesson I learned on my journey through PTSD.  When I was in the hospital, my inability to ask for help nearly killed me.  This isn’t as dire a situation now, but it’s still something I need to remember especially when it comes to this program.  I am a perfectionist and I want to be able to do it perfectly and on my own.  Let’s face it, if I was able to do that, I wouldn’t need to be on the program in the first place.  I need to learn to ask for help.  I mean for crying out loud, that’s what the counselors are for!
3. There are other programs I wasn’t even aware of.  In asking for help at the clinic yesterday and really utilizing the counselors for what they’re there for, I was saying how mentally challenging it is for me to go the 10-week cycle on the program.  It was easy the first time, but now I just can’t seem to be OK with the idea of no pizza for 10 weeks (even though, I had pizza and it made me feel sick and wasn’t that good anyway.  It’s a mental thing).  I have to be honest, I felt like a failure when I realized this.  But, then I realized I’m not failing when I’m identifying roadblocks, I’m failing if I ignore them and don’t achieve my weight-loss goal.  The counselor I was talking to said she can’t do the 10 week cycle either.  That’s why she does the 4 week cycle.  I didn’t even know they had a 4 week cycle!  Here I am struggling because I am too afraid to ask for the help I need when there is an option that is going to work so much better for me!

Why is asking for what we need so hard?  I teach people in producing all the time that asking for what you need is the one thing everyone needs to do to produce a project.  So, how come it’s so flipping hard to do that in all aspects of life?  I don’t know the answer to that.  What I do know is that I have identified that it’s a problem for me on this particular journey and I’m going to be more aware of it in the future and…

correct and continue

Filed under: Scrapbook Inspiration, Scrapbook the Weight Off by Jenna Edwards